i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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