I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
