He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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