just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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