Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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