I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
