i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
