He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
