we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
