if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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