Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
