Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
