found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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