The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
