I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
