You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
