Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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