eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
