I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
