would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
