I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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