The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
