Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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