He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
