Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
