how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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