haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
