It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
