You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drunk is a universal language darling
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
