we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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