How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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