Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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