At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
