yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
