I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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