This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
