I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
