At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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