did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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