Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
