I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
