I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sext me about skeletons
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
