you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
