Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
