Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
