My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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