I think i peed on brittanys purse
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
