I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
