I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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