So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
