yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
