do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
