the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize