I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
