I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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