If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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