I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
