I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
