At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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