Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
