I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
