I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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