It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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