I got chris browned last night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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