so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
