Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
