I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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