our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
