I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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